


Failed to Send

by LonghairedChanyeol



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drugs, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Minor Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:01:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23555752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LonghairedChanyeol/pseuds/LonghairedChanyeol
Summary: Jisung was always there. When Felix needed a hug or a shoulder to cry on, Jisung was there. When Felix's parents left every weekend, Jisung was there on the doorstep, ready to play another video game. Felix? Well, Felix was too gone to care. Felix was busy chasing every high, going after every adrenaline rush, after anyone who would give him attention, to realize that Jisung was always there.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix, Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix
Comments: 5
Kudos: 75





	Failed to Send

**Author's Note:**

> So, hi! This is my first story here, and honestly, the first fic I've written in awhile. I hope y'all like it. It was inspired by this YouTube video I watched by skzshii: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2soO23DIOt4. I also was inspired by the lyrics. The song is Blow by Former Vandal.

**Lixie 8:25 pm**

**Hey- my parents are heading out for the weekend again. Come over?**

**Jisung 8:27 pm**

**Again??????**

**Jisung 8:29 pm**

**Only if you’re prepared to get your ass beat in Overwatch**

**Lixie 8:30 pm**

**You said that last time**   
**You’ll lose once again**

**Jisung 8:32 pm**

**Be prepared to eat your words**   
**I’ll be there in 20**   
**Read 8:35**

Jisung quickly got dressed and drove to Felix’s house, excited for the opportunity to get him back for last time. It was truly a crushing loss. A true attack on his pride. Felix’s door was left open, which it always was when he knew Jisung was coming. Jisung thought it was a horrible habit, but Felix just shrugged it off.

“You said 20 minutes,” Felix said, not moving from his perch on the couch. “It’s been 30.”

“When have I ever been on time?” Jisung collapsed on the couch, nearly causing Felix to spill his drink on himself.

“Oi, watch it!”

“I think your Aussie came out right there,” Jisung yelped as Felix pushed him off the couch. “I’m sorry, was I wrong? Are you not an Aussie? I can promise you that sure didn’t sound British.”

“Shut up and go get the controller,” Felix said, suppressing a smile.

“I’m the guest though?”

“You practically live here. Plus, you’re closest.” Jisung grumbled as he grabbed the ps4 controllers. He threw the player 2 remote at Felix and sat back down.

“The drink!”

“Should’ve considered that when you asked me to grab the controllers,” Jisung laughed and turned on the console, selecting Overwatch. Felix rolled his eyes and went to the kitchen, probably to get snacks and a bottled soda. He came back out with a tray of snacks, two shot glasses, and a bottle of cherry vodka. Jisung eyed it suspiciously.

“Let’s play a game,” Felix grinned. It was Jisung’s least favourite grin; it meant they were going to do something stupid.

“We are playing a game. I was gonna beat you at Overwatch.”

“Well, yes, but it’s a game on top of a game,” He sat. “Take a shot every time you die. Whoever gets drunk first loses.”

“Lix, we just got drunk like a few days ago. I really don’t want to,” Jisung tried, but Felix was already pouring a shot.

“C’mon, it’ll be fun. Adds a bit of excitement,” He handed him a drink. “Starting shot?” Jisung sighed and took it reluctantly. Felix smiled, and if Felix didn’t have the brightest damn smile, Jisung wouldn’t have downed the shot. Unfortunately, his smiles always caused Jisung to melt. He’s pretty sure Felix knew that.

Felix lost first, but Felix was a lightweight. Jisung wasn’t much better, but Felix was especially bad at the game today. Felix’s head lay in Jisung’s lap, while Jisung still attempted to play. Felix was gone, but Jisung was only a little more than tipsy.

“Sungie,” Felix said, poking Jisung’s cheeks. “You really do look like a squirrel.”

“Thanks, Lix.” He didn’t look down, but he knew from the sound of his voice that Felix was pouting. That was a shame because Felix had the cutest lips. Jisung was pretty sure he knew that too. Felix didn’t respond, which didn’t matter because Jisung died anyway. He got distracted. He finally looked down, right into Felix’s doe eyes.

“You lost,” Felix sat up. “Gotta take another shot.” He poured it for Jisung and handed it to him. Jisung took it without protest, mostly because getting drunk with his best friend always ended up going one way, and he wasn’t sure if he could take it if he was sober. He was also definitely wrong about being just a little bit more than tipsy because it looked like Felix’s freckles were actually sparkling. “You’re staring, Ji.”

“Sorry,” He could feel the blush blooming on his cheeks. Felix giggled.

“I’m gonna kiss you now, okay?” He leaned in. Jisung barely let out a yes before Felix’s lips were on his. Felix pushed him gently onto his back like they’d done countless times before. Jisung could never tell if he liked this part or hated it since Felix never kissed him when he was sober. There wasn’t a name to this relationship. They were best friends, but nights like these, they were just a little bit more. “Sungie, you have the softest lips, I swear to god.”

“You say that every time, and I don’t even put on chapstick,” Jisung muttered.

“Yea, it’s so weird. Wear chapstick, dude,” Felix climbed off the couch, and Jisung missed his warmth immediately.

“Did you just call me dude?” He asked, sitting up. “You just kissed me, and now you’re calling me dude?”

“Is that not normal?” Felix opened a bag of chips.

“How come you never kiss me when we’re sober?” Felix paused and looked at him.

“What do you mean, Sung?”

“I’m pretty sure that’s a straightforward question.”

“I didn’t know you wanted me to,” He took a chip out of the bag. “Do you want me to?” His eyes seemed to bore into Jisung’s own.

“I-“ Jisung stopped. “It was just an observation. We should go to bed. It’s pretty late, and I’m tired.” He ran upstairs to Felix’s room and threw himself on the bed. Felix had glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling that he’s had since they were young. They had pretty much lost their glow, but he insisted on keeping them. Jisung had already started to doze off by the time Felix got upstairs. Felix crawled over him, and once again, Jisung was the little spoon. They fell asleep like that.

***

It had been a week now, and thankfully, Felix hadn’t mentioned anything about that drunken night. Jisung was grateful. Now, Felix was on Jisung’s couch, watching a movie. Both were scrolling on their phones more than watching the actual movie though.

“Hey, Ji, do you want to go to a party tonight?” Felix said, breaking the comfortable silence. “I know parties aren’t your thing, but this new friend of mine, Hyunjin, is throwing it for his birthday. I thought it’d be nice to attend. He said I could bring a guest.”

“Do I have to go?” Jisung frowned.

“Yes, because you’re my bestest friend and want to accompany me.”

“There’s no one else that’ll be there that you know?”

“Not one. I can’t go to a party as a loner. Hyunjin has tons of friends, so I can’t just follow him around all night,” Felix was pouting again.

“You like hanging out with people. I’m sure you can befriend someone quickly. They’ll fawn over you freckles, and boom! a party buddy,” Jisung grinned. Felix fell back on the couch dramatically.

“Tossed to the side by the love of my life. I have been wounded. There’s no coming back from this.” He clutched his heart in feigned agony. Jisung threw a pillow at him.

“I don’t want to go out. Can’t we just find a movie we actually want to watch or play some video games?

“We always do that.”

“And it’s fun.”

“Yea, but it wouldn’t hurt to go out once in a while, right? It’s his birthday. We don’t have to stay for long.” He was practically begging at this point. Jisung let out a long sigh.

“Yea, ok, fine. What time’s it start?”

“At 8.” Jisung let out a groan, and Felix threw a pillow at him this time. “Thanks, Sungie. You’re driving, by the way.”

“Why do I have to drive? It was your idea!” Felix didn’t answer, but Jisung knew he was probably gonna drink.

They left for the party at 8:30, which was expected. Felix insisted on doing makeup on both him and Jisung, then dressed them both in a casual, but kind of fancy look. Jisung wondered who he was dressing up for. Felix had warned him that Hyunjin’s house was big, but Jisung wasn’t actually prepared for the size of it. Big was an understatement. Hyunjin had a huge house. It was one of those with a circle driveway and a pool in the backyard. He could hear the music from the built-in house speakers from a mile away. He parked his car a ways away.

“You swear we won’t be here for long?” Jisung asked, but Felix ignored his question, already pulling him towards the door.

Jisung didn't know what Hyunjin looked like before they arrived, but he was definitely beautiful enough to own a house like this. He was taller than him and lean. He looked athletic and radiated cool energy. Jisung would be lying if he said he wasn’t a tiny bit intimidated. It didn’t help that he was already overwhelmed by the music and the sheer amount of people.

“Happy birthday, Jinnie!” Felix hugged the gorgeous boy as soon as he saw him. Now, Jisung wanted to know how long he had known Hyunjin to hug him like that. He pretended it wasn’t jealousy.

“Thanks, Lix.” Jisung decided he didn’t like this boy. It wasn’t at all to do with the fact that his voice was as handsome as the rest of him or that he already had a nickname for Felix. It wasn’t jealousy. “I’m glad you could come. Who’s your friend?”

“Oh, this is Jisung,” He pulled him forward more. Jisung waved awkwardly, just now noticing that Hyunjin had a mullet. And it looked good, which just wasn’t fair. Hyunjin seemed to scrutinize him, making him want to go back to his car.

“Cool. I don’t know where any of my friends are, but you’ll see them eventually. They’ll probably be the loudest ones around. Drinks are in every room really. Beer pong is in the backyard. Cake’s in the kitchen, as well as other food items. They’ll be labelled. Knock yourselves out,” He smiled at them. “Don’t actually. Consume in moderation.” Felix nodded and dragged Jisung along to what he assumed was the direction of the kitchen. Felix always went to the kitchen first.

“So, how long have you known Hyunjin exactly?” Jisung asked, his curiosity getting the best of him.

“Um, I don’t know. Like a month, maybe?” He grabbed a brownie. “Met him at that small concert I went to a bit ago. When you were out of town.” Jisung nodded as Felix ate another brownie.

A dude entered the kitchen, only slightly shorter than Jisung, but really built. His hair was dark red, almost black under the light, just slightly covering his eyes. He looked like he could snap Jisung in half. His arms were no joke. He came directly towards them.

“Are you Felix?” He asked. Felix tilted his head, like he usually did when he was confused, and nodded. “I’m Changbin, a friend of Hyunjin’s.” He handed Felix a bag of cookies as Felix nodded like he was remembering hearing his name before. “Hyunjin made those special.” He winked, barely sparing a glance at Jisung, and walked away.

“What does he mean ‘Hyunjin made those special’?” Jisung watched Changbin walk off as Felix bit into a cookie.

“Hyunjin’s a really good baker,” Felix grinned. Jisung reached for the bag, but Felix pulled it away. “Not for you, Ji.” He grabbed an orange Smirnoff Ice Screwdriver and walked out of the kitchen, leaving Jisung with no choice but to follow.

The main thing that Jisung hated about going to parties with Felix was that it was easy to lose each other. One, they were both short. Two, Felix always ended up running into people he knew. He would then run off, leaving Jisung behind. Tonight was not an exception.

No other friends here my ass, Jisung grabbed a mixed drink and found a nook in the corner to hide in. He didn’t want to be that person who just scrolls on their phone during a party, but he had no one to talk to. He already tried to hide in a bathroom, but they were all occupied with people doing things he wishes to erase from his memory. He doesn’t remember how long he was there, but Felix found him eventually. Not before running into a wall though.

“Ji!” Felix stumbled towards him. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”

“Lix, my number one hiding place during a party is in the kitchen. There’s not any other place to look at,” He pocketed his phone. “Ready to go?”

“What, no. Things are just getting fun.”

“You said we wouldn’t have to stay for long.”

“They’re playing spin-the-bottle. I gotta stay for that. D’ya wanna join?” Felix leaned over Jisung to grab a bag of chips, and that’s when Jisung smelled him. “I’m so fucking hungry, damn.”

“Hey, Lix,” Jisung began as he dug in. Felix paused to look at him. “Are you high?”

“Um, yes. Hyunjin’s cookies are edibles. They actually taste good too, which is pretty fucking miraculous. Plus, Minho let take a couple hits of his joint,” He went back to eating his chips. “You should try it, Ji.”

“Since when did you use marijuana?”

“Does it matter?”

“It’s not good for you, Felix. We should go.”

“What are you? My parent? I’m fine, Jisung.”

“Lix-“ Jisung got off the counter.

“No, how about you go. I know you don’t like parties, and you’re clearly not having fun. I can find a ride home, so you don’t have to worry.”

“Oh come on, dude.”

“The point of a party is to relax and have fun. You are not doing either. Maybe you should have a drink and smoke some.”

“I’m not gonna do that.”

“Then go home,” Felix took another bag and walked out of the kitchen. Normally, Jisung would follow him, but today, he was gonna go home. He was tired and couldn’t deal with this right now.

Felix hoped that Jisung would follow him, and he didn’t. Felix refused to let him being a buzzkill ruin his fun time. If Jisung didn’t want to hang out with Felix, that was on him. He went back to the living room and took a seat. Hyunjin stood in the middle of the circle with a basket, waiting for everyone to quiet down, so he could explain the rules.

“So basically, y’all know the rules. You spin the bottle, you have to play 7 Minutes in Heaven with whoever it lands on. There are boundaries though!” He put the basket down. “If you don’t want to do it with the person the bottle landed on or the person who spun it, you have to take a shot. That is all.” He then sat down on the edge next to Minho. “As the birthday boy, I choose Changbin to go first.” Changbin rolled his eyes but grabbed the bottle anyway. It landed on a person he didn’t know, and they went to the closet. Hyunjin started the timer excitedly.

To be honest, Felix wasn’t the biggest fan of the game, mainly because the wait was boring. There was talk in between each couple’s session, but everyone was just eagerly waiting to go. He’d rather be playing beer pong, but Hyunjin had practically begged him to join. He couldn’t argue with the birthday boy, as Hyunjin had said.

“Okay, my turn,” Hyunjin said. He had turned down every person who’s bottle had landed on him at this point, so he was definitely drunk. Before Hyunjin spun it, he looked at Felix and winked, causing Felix’s heart to beat quicker. It was no secret that Hyunjin was handsome as all hell. Felix would be an idiot to deny that, so all he could hope was that no one would notice the blush on his cheeks. The bottle spun and spun and spun until it stopped, causing Felix to stare directly into the opening of it.

  
“Well Felix, will you join me in the closet for 7 minutes or take a drink?” Felix didn’t miss the hint of a dare in his eyes. He raised his eyebrow.

“I’ll join you in the closet,” Felix replied after a few beats. Hyunjin got up, and Felix followed. He didn’t miss the jealous eyes following him.

“For a second there, I thought you were gonna take that drink,” Hyunjin closed the door.

“I can’t lie,” Felix said, trying to calm himself. “I was close.” That made Hyunjin laugh.

“We can just stand in here, ya know. We don’t have to do anything.”

“Hyunjin, if you don’t kiss me, so the eyes back there actually have something to be jealous of, I swear to god,” Felix put his fingers in Hyunjin’s belt loops and brought him closer.

“Here I was thinking you said yes because you actually wanted to kiss me.”

“Yea, that too.” Felix brought his hand to Hyunjin’s face. “Now shut up, so I can.” He closed the distance between their lips, and he had to stop himself from smiling at Hyunjin’s gasp. After the initial shock, Hyunjin put his hands on Felix’s waist, and he was so grateful he decided to wear a crop top. Felix grinned and bit Hyunjin’s bottom lip, enjoying the little whimper Hyunjin let out. Sounds kind of like Jisung, Felix thought, and that made him freeze.

“Felix?” Hyunjin made to take his hands off, but Felix held them there.

“Leave them,” He said and kissed Hyunjin harder. Jisung left the party; Felix didn’t need to think about him. Hyunjin reciprocated the energy. Hyunjin had an aura around him that intimidated everyone; being tall and handsome will do that to people, but Felix was in complete control here. He pushed Hyunjin back against the wall and moved from the boy’s lips to his neck. Hyunjin’s hands had moved up his shirt, so he grabbed them and pinned them to the wall. Hyunjin whined, and that caused Felix to let a chuckle out. He went back to nip at Hyunjin’s lip. Then there was a knock on the door.

“Y’all, it’s been like 8 minutes at this point,” Changbin announced. Hyunjin pulled away.

“It’s my birthday!” Was all he said, and the knocking stopped. Felix could imagine Changbin rolling his eyes behind the door, but that wasn’t any of his concern. “I’m gonna be honest, Lix, this closet is kind of cramped. My bed has a lot more room.”

“Well, it’s your birthday,” Felix grinned. Hyunjin gave him a look, before smiling. There was something in that smile that made Felix wish Jisung had stayed, that he was here. Their smiles were so similar. Felix did his best to push that part down. “Lead the way.”

Needless to say, neither of them participated in the rest of the game, and Felix didn’t leave until later that morning.

***  
 **Jisung 7:30 am**

**Did you get home safe?**   
**You never texted me**

**Lix 12:45 pm**

**Yea, I’m good.**

**Jisung 12:47 pm**

**Okay, good**   
**Read 12:50 pm**

***

“Jisung, you’re spacing,” Chan’s voice suddenly sounded behind him. Jisung jumped, nearly knocking over the cart in front of him.

“Sorry,” He said, as he picked up the books that fell off. It had been a couple of weeks since the party with Felix. They haven't really talked or hung out since then.

“Jisung’s in his feelings,” Seungmin said from across the room. He ducked, narrowly avoiding the book Jisung chucked at his head. Seungmin looked like an utter nerd with his sweaters and circle wire glasses, but he was athletic enough. “Am I wrong?”

“No throwing the books, guys!” Chan gave them both a reprimanding look. “And what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Jisung emptied the Returned Books Slot.

“Clearly, something is. You have your Felix face on.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“It looks like this,” Seungmin started pouting and looking off in the distance.

“I’m pretty sure that’s your ‘I’m hopelessly in love with Jeongin, but he’s oblivious’ face, Min.” Now it was Jisung’s time to duck, but Chan snatched the book out of the air. Jisung had to wonder why he worked at a library instead of at a gym as a physical trainer or something. It made sense that Jisung used to crush on him.

“If either of you throws another book, you can help with the next kids' circle.” Chan glared at them. Both boys hated the kids' circle, which was amusing because Jisung was actually pretty good with kids. “What’s wrong with you and Felix?”

“We’re fine.” He made to push the kids’ books cart out the door, but Chan stopped him.

“Jisung, there are like 10 adult non-fiction books on that cart. You’re very spacey today. You can’t tell me that you guys are fine.”

“Did you confess your love to him or something?” Seungmin took the adult books off the cart.

“No, I wouldn’t do that. He doesn’t like me like that.”

“Are you guys fighting?”

“I don’t think so? If we are, it’s about something I have no idea about. I mean, we had a little disagreement a couple weeks ago.”

“About what?” Chan started actually organizing some of the books.

“Don’t you need to be upfront?” Jisung said, trying to distract them.

“We’re not busy. I’m pretty sure Innie can handle it,” Chan laughed. Jeongin hadn’t trained at the library for very long, but he was already very good at it. “Stop trying to distract me.” Jisung groaned and leaned back on the counter.

“We went to this party, and you know I hate parties. I went anyway because he wanted me to. It was a birthday party for a friend of his, and he insisted that he wouldn’t know anyone else there. Anyway, he got really high and drunk and wanted me to play spin the bottle. We’d already been there for like three hours, which was enough for me. I wanted to leave, and he didn’t. And I guess I got upset that he was high, and he was upset that I wasn’t having fun, or whatever. He told me to leave, so I did,” Jisung laughed bitterly.

“Since when did Felix smoke weed?” Seungmin asked. Jisung just shrugged.

“It was mostly the edibles.”

“So, you left him at the party?” Chan squinted at him. “Doesn’t sound like you.”

“I was angry, and he clearly had people who could take him home. I did ask him if he got there safe though.”

“And I’m guessing y’all haven’t actually talked to each other since.”

“Yea,” And then Jisung’s phone buzzed.

**Felix 3:34 pm**

**Come over?**

“That him?”

“Yea. He wants me to come over,” Jisung bit his lip, feeling helpless.

“Then go over. Your shift is done in like 10 anyway. We’ll be fine.”

“Hey, can I leave early?” Seungmin asked.

“No, you can finish Jisung’s carts,” Chan laughed as Seungmin visibly deflated. “I’ll send Jeongin to help.” He bolted out of the room before Seungmin could throw another book.

**Jisung 3:37 pm**

**Yea sure**   
**Read 3:37 pm**

*******

The door was closed this time, but not locked. Jisung supposed that was better than nothing. Felix wasn’t on the couch, so he went up to his room and knocked on the door. There was no response, so he just opened it. Felix was on his bed with his headphones and a beanie on. It was hot in his room, so that’d made no sense, but Felix did that a lot.

“Hey, Felix,” Jisung stepped in. “Earth to Felix!” He jumped on the bed, and that got Felix’s attention.

“Shit, hey Sung,” He took his headphones off, causing the beanie to fall with it and sat up. “How’ve you been?” Jisung didn’t answer, too shocked by the fact that Felix’s hair was purple.

“Lix, when the hell did you dye your hair?”

“Oh! Hyunjin wanted to dye his hair to this reddish-brown colour, so I went with him. We were just talking, and he told me that I should dye my hair, which was a ridiculous idea.”

“But you did.”

“Yea, it didn’t turn out terrible. Do you like it?” Felix looked at him so eagerly, and to be honest, Jisung didn’t hate it.

“It’s nice, Lix. Here I’ve been just working a lot. It’s been boring.”

“Ah, yea, I’m sorry. I got busy and kept forgetting to text you.”

“Hey, whoever said that I was bored because you weren’t texting me? That was the best part of these last couple weeks.” That earned Jisung a pillow in the face.

“Asshole,” Felix said.

“What got you so busy?”

“Well, I started hanging out with Hyunjin, Minho, and Changbin more. They invited me down to the valley. Parties happen there continuously. It’s pretty fun.”

“Oh,” Jisung said. He knew about the parties in the valley, and he didn’t like that Felix was there. He didn’t want to cause another fight though.

“It was pretty cool. The boys down there, Ji, quite possibly the hottest guys I’ve ever seen.”

“I’m offended.”

“Shut up, you know you're hot anyway,” Felix rolled his eyes. “Anyway, they taught me how to skate. Well, Changbin did. I fell on my ass so many times, I swear it’s bruised.”

“Sounds fun.”

“Yea, it was.” Felix froze. “Fuck.” He ran to the bathroom.

“Lix?” Jisung followed him. “Are you okay?” He didn’t respond; he was too busy trying to grab tissues. Jisung saw the nosebleed though. “What the hell.” Jisung went downstairs to go get some ice, but by the time he came back upstairs, it was done.

“Oh, thanks, Sung,” Felix took the bag and put it on the counter. “I’m good now though. They’re normally very short.”

“Since when did you get nosebleeds?”

“Not often. Usually just the day after the party.”

“How’s a party causing you nosebleeds?” They went back to Felix’s room and sat down.

“I’d tell you, but you wouldn’t like it.”

“What does that mean?”

“That’s a pretty straightforward statement,” Felix grabbed his phone off the nightstand.

“Can you just tell me?”

“You have to promise to not get upset.”

“I won’t get upset,” Jisung said, but he was already pretty upset to begin with. He didn’t like where this was going.

“Minho taught me how to do blow.” Felix didn’t look at Jisung when he said it, which was probably for the best. Jisung didn’t respond right away. “Jisung?”

“Minho taught you how to do what now?” He tried to keep his voice even; he really did. However, there’s something about his best friend admitting that he did fucking cocaine that caused his voice to go up just a little bit.

“You said you wouldn’t get upset.”

“Felix!” Jisung exploded. “Me promising to not get upset would be for something like getting into a fistfight, which is what I was hoping you’d say. Not for doing cocaine with a bunch of rich kids who have no regard for their personal health! Or for yours!”

“Jisung, chill. It was only a couple of times. It’s not like I’m addicted or some shit. It’s fine,” Felix rolled his eyes.

“Do you know how easy it is to get addicted to that shit? Even if you’re not now, it’d only take like one more time to actually be addicted!”

“It’s fine. Minho does it all the time, as do his friends, and they’re all fine. It’s just a thing that helps you relax, ya know.”

“Aren’t you better than that?” Jisung said, quieter than before.

“I’m sorry?”

“Aren’t you better than that? This isn’t a joke. Just because your so-called ‘friends’ do it, doesn’t mean you should.”

“First of all, don’t try and act like you’re better than me. I’m having fun alright, and they’re good people. They’re actual friends. They want to hang out and have fun with me. What’re you doing? I have to fight with you to go to the mall instead of stay inside and watch movies all day!” Now Felix was yelling too.

“Then we can go to the fucking mall, Lix. If that’s what you want to do for some fun, we can do that. I’d rather do that then know that my best friend is gonna get addicted to cocaine.”

“I’m literally fine. I have people making sure I don’t do too much. I don’t just want to go to the mall. Parties are fun! I like drinking and smoking. It makes me less anxious, okay!”

“Go to a doctor, then! Get some therapy. There are so many better options,” Jisung snapped. They hadn’t fought like this in forever.

“Get out, Jisung.”

“Pardon,” He froze.

“Get out of my house.”

“Lix, listen, I-” Felix cut him off.

“Get the fuck out of my house,” He pushed him out of the room and slammed the door. Jisung couldn’t bring himself to move for a minute, but then he pivoted and left to his car.

***

**Monday**

**Jisung 1:12 pm**

**Hey? Are you okay**   
**Read 3:30 pm**

**Tuesday**

**Jisung 10:45 am**

**Hey, Lix?**   
**Read 5:23 pm**

**Friday**

**Jisung 9:57 pm**

**I’m sorry, okay. I went too far. I was just worried about you. You don’t have to forgive me but at least text me back, please? I just want to know that you’re alright.**   
**Read Saturday 3:38 am**

**Sunday**

**Felix 2:00 pm**

**I’m fine.**

**Jisung 2:01 pm**

**Okay, I’m glad.**

**Felix 2:39 pm**

**Can you just not text me for a bit?**   
**I need some time.**

**Jisung 2:40 pm**   
**Yea, of course. Sorry again**   
**Read Monday 1:56 am**

***

“Jisung, dude, go on break already. Your focus is shit, and you need food,” Jeongin said from the other checkout station. The library was empty once again.

“I’m fine, Innie. Just couldn’t sleep well last night,” Jisung yawned, proving his point.

“Then take a nap in the back,” Seungmin spoke up this time. He just came back from his own break.

“Guys, I’m literally okay. I’ll take my break later.”

“Jisung-” Chan started.

“I swear to god,” Jisung grumbled.

“If you’re having trouble sleeping, then you’re really going through it.”

“He took me off his story, which wouldn’t be an issue, because I never look at it anyway. He legitimately blocked me from it though, like what.”

“I think not talking to him for a bit could do you some good. He seems to stress you out, Sung. The relationship seems sort of toxic,” Seungmin said. Jisung tried to glare at him, but it probably wasn’t very intimidating. “Jisung, come on. If you’re upset, it’s usually always because of him.”

“He’s right, dude,” Jeongin added.

“Okay, first of all, you’re baby. You don’t get to have input,” Jisung said. Jeongin merely rolled his eyes and went back to the computer. “Second, Felix isn’t toxic. He’s a good person. He’s not always like that; life’s just hard right now. It’s his new friends that are the issue.”

“Jisung, this occurred way before he even met these friends. You’re constantly failing vibe checks because of him,” Chan pointed out.

“For the sake of all of us, never talk about vibe checks again. You’re old.” The other boys nodded in agreement with Jisung.

“My point is that you can’t keep making excuses for his behaviour. If you’re truly worried about him, tell his parents. They can actually do something to help.”

“And make him hate me more, no thanks,” Jisung snorted. “I think I’ll take that nap now.”

“Just-,” Chan sighed. “Think about it.”

***

A month had passed without any texts from Felix, and Jisung was trying to deal with it. What he didn’t expect was a drunk Felix on his doorstep at 4 am. He was grateful that his mom had a work trip this weekend. This would’ve been too much to explain.

“Felix?” The boy in question fell right into Jisung, who had to scramble to catch him. “Dude, are you okay?” He dragged him to the couch and then went for some water. Felix was slightly more conscious when Jisung returned. He took the water immediately.

“Do you have food?” His eyes were bloodshot. He was high again, but Jisung knew this was not the time to mention it. He went back to the kitchen for some popcorn and microwaved it. He also grabbed another bottle of water. Felix snatched both as soon as Jisung sat on the couch. “Thank you.”

“How the hell did you get here? You are not in the condition to walk or drive right now?”

“Can you interrogate me tomorrow? I’m tired and everything is swaying.” His words were slurred, so Jisung agreed. When Felix finished, Jisung carried him piggy-back style to his room and dropped him on the bed. Felix just let out a moan. “Bucket.”

“Bucket?”

“Vomit.” Jisung bolted to the bathroom. He did not want to clean up the contents of Felix’s stomach. He put the bucket on the floor of the bed in Felix’s reach. He then laid down on his bed, putting space between him and his friend. Apparently, Felix didn’t like that, because he dug his face into Jisung’s chest and threw his arm around his waist.

“Felix-”

“Wanna kiss you,” He mumbled. Jisung’s body pulled tautly. Felix didn’t seem to notice. “Please.” He looked up at him, and damn, it was those brown eyes again. They were glazed over, but they still had the same impact. Felix brought his lips to Jisung’s, and it was brief. As much as a tired, drunk as hell boy could do; that didn’t mean Jisung wasn’t affected by it. He hated himself for it. Felix fell asleep shortly after that.

Felix was still fast asleep when Jisung woke up at 3, so he decided to make breakfast. He did put a bottle of water and some pills on his nightstand for Felix though. He knew when Felix got up though because the boy practically stumbled down the stairs with the water in hand.

“It’s so fucking bright,” He muttered.

“It’s almost four in the afternoon, so yea,” Jisung grabbed a plate and piled some pancakes on it for him. Felix sat and dumped maple syrup all over it. Jisung had to stop himself from gagging. They ate in silence for a bit. Jisung was too scared to say anything in fear that Felix would run off.

“Thank you,” Felix whispered.

“Anytime,” Jisung responded. He looked at him.

“Before you ask, no I don’t actually remember anything about last night. Especially not how I got here or why.”

“Oh.”

“I’ll leave as soon as I finish eating.”

“Do you have to?”

“I doubt that you want me here.”

“I do want you here.”

“You never texted.”

“You told me not to.”

“I know that, but like after two weeks, you could’ve said something.”

“You could’ve texted me.”

“That wasn’t the point.”

“What was the point then? I’m not gonna chase after you every time, Lix.” And there was the anger Jisung tried so hard to push down.

“Pardon?”

“I shouldn’t have to chase after you to hangout. I shouldn’t have to text you first. Friendships go both fucking ways.”

“You were the one being an asshole. You broke the friendship. You fix it.” Felix got up from the table, but Jisung refused to let him go that easy.

“I wasn’t aware that caring for your friend's health and safety counted as being an asshole. If anyone’s an asshole here, it’s you!” Jisung got up as well.

“How the hell am I an asshole?” Felix walked out to the living room.

“You said some shitty stuff too, and you won’t even listen to me!” Jisung was in his face now.

“Like what?” Felix baited. “That you don’t want to have fun? That’s the truth! You’re boring as fuck, Jisung.” That was the last straw. Jisung pushed him.

“The only fucking reason you want to do all that reckless shit is because you’re friends do it. You think it’ll make you look cool, and they’ll like you more,” Jisung was panting, and Felix’s eyes were daring him to continue. So, he did. “You’re gonna burn out, Felix. And when you do, don’t forget that I told you so.” Felix lunged at him, and they ended up in a tussle on the ground. Jisung got him in the cheek, and Felix punched him square on the mouth. They both got some more jabs in before Felix threw Jisung off.

“Truth hurts,” Jisung spat out blood.

“You’re the worst, Jisung. I hope you can live with that,” Felix got up shakily, blood spouting from his nose. Jisung didn’t care if it was from the drugs or his own fist at this point.

“You know what, Felix,” Jisung got up, hands by his head in surrender. “Fuck the fight, and your habits too.” They stood, staring at each other in silence. Then, Felix walked out the door.

***

**Three weeks later**

**Binnie 9:36 pm**

**You wanna go street racing?**

**Felix 9:37 pm**

**Isn’t that illegal?**

**Binnie 9:40 pm**

**Well yea**   
**But it’s fun**

**Felix 9:41 pm**

**Yea okay**

**Binnie 9:43**

**You’ll race?**

**Felix 9:43**

**No, I’ll just watch**   
**Where?**

**Binnie 9:45**

**By that old building downtown**

**Felix 9:45**

**Okay, I’ll see you guys there**   
**Delivered**

“Lixie!” Hyunjin waved at him from the corner as soon as Felix pulled up. He was leaning on the wall, Changbin and Minho at his side. Minho had told Felix earlier to look out for his hair when he came down. Felix could see why; he had dyed it silver.

“Hey, nice hair, Min,” Felix grinned, walking up to them. Minho smiled and threw his arm around him.

“Thanks, Lix,” They pulled around the corner, and that’s when Felix laid eyes on the cars; they were out of his wildest dreams. The first one was a sleek, black Chevrolet Corvette C7 Stingray with white skull details on the door. That’s how he knew it was Changbin’s. The second was a red Ford GT with cat stickers around it. “Minho, cats? Really?”

“Don’t judge me. I do everything in the name of cats, okay?” Minho took his arm off of him.

“Even jack off,” Hyunjin joked. Minho did not hesitate to punch him, much to Hyunjin’s dismay. He should’ve seen it coming though.

“What about your car, Jin?” Felix said.

“Ah, yes,” Hyunjin darted around Minho to get to Felix and put his arm around him. “Can I borrow yours? Minho drove me here, which was dumb. It just didn’t occur to me.”

“I don’t think my car is suited for a street race.”

“Oh, c’mon. I bet it’d be just fine,” Felix still wasn’t convinced. “Please, Lixie? It’d be really cool if you did.” Hyunjin was pouting now. Felix turned to face him and quickly realized that it was a mistake. Hyunjin was a professional at making puppy eyes. “I promise your car will be fine! I’ll be driving, and I’m a really careful driver.”

“I don’t think you can be a careful driver in a street race, Hyunjin,” Minho pointed out as Changbin snorted. “It’s kind of an oxymoron.”

“Shut up, Min,” Hyunjin glared at him then focused back on Felix. “Please, Lix?” Felix would not consider himself to be strong, in fact, Hyunjin made him quite weak. He nodded reluctantly. “Yay!” Hyunjin kissed him briefly and took the keys out of his hand.

“Felix, you have to take a good luck shot for all of us, since you’re not driving!” Minho grabbed a bottle of Bacardi 151 and a shot glass.

“And an extra one for your car!” Hyunjin grinned as he ran to get Felix’s car. Minho poured the first shot, and Felix downed it, as well as the next three.

“Shit,” Felix coughed as the drink went down his throat. Rum was never his favourite because it always burned.

“You’re riding with Hyunjin,” Changbin handed him a water bottle and went to his car; and Minho to his. Hyunjin brought the car around, and Felix got in. That’s when the rain started. It was just a drizzle at first.

“I completely forgot it was gonna rain tonight,” Hyunjin rolled his window up. “It’ll be fine.” He shrugged. Felix watched as the other boys revved up their engines, and the tension started to build. Minho stuck his hand out the window and counted down; then, they were off. Felix kept the window down, enjoying the wind blowing his hair. Felix didn’t know how long these races normally were, but he didn’t care much. The rain on his face was pretty refreshing until it started to rain harder. He rolled up his window.

“Hyunjin, can you even see anything?” He wasn’t sure if the boy in question even heard him. The alcohol was affecting his speech already. He took another sip of water. “Can you see?”

“No, but I know the streets. It’ll be fine,” Hyunjin muttered, but it looked like he was straining. Felix didn’t feel like it was gonna be fine. Felix couldn’t see the lights of Minho and Changbin’s cars anymore, and his car’s headlights weren’t any help. They were too old.

“Maybe we should slow down?”

“Felix,” Hyunjin gritted out. “Shut up.” If anything, Hyunjin seemed to go faster. Felix knew that that money was usually betted during these races, but he didn’t think that was worth his car or their lives. He didn’t say anything else. He didn’t want Hyunjin to think he was scared or a coward. As soon as Hyunjin hit the pothole though, he wished he had. The car spun out and ran right into a streetlight. Felix couldn’t move at first, and immediately he worried that something was wrong with his legs. His eyes tried to focus on Hyunjin, but they were no use. “Felix?” His tongue was numb. “Felix, please give some indication that you’re not like dead.” He heard Hyunjin open the door, and then he heard his own door open. He felt Hyunjin drag him out, at least he thought it was Hyunjin, the arms felt more like Changbin though.

“Lix, it’s either you wake up on your own, or I slap you,” That was Minho for sure. He was slightly muffled though. The only sense that was really working was his sense of touch. He felt the rain stinging his cheeks, and his clothes were getting soaked with every second. He let out a moan.

“Well, he’s definitely alive,” Changbin said, tone trying to stay light. Felix finally gained feeling of his tongue.

“Head hurts,” He mumbled.

“Yea, well it’s bleeding, so,” Changbin propped him up and handed him a towel. It was painful, but Felix put it to his wound. “We need to go.” He pulled Felix up, and that’s when Felix got the full vision of his car.

The front tires were deflated, and the front was absolutely wrecked. The streetlight had left a huge dent in the front and scrunched the hood. His left light was out. The car was totalled.

“My fucking car,” Felix felt his heart sink. His parents were gonna murder him.

“Yea, I know. Minho called the tow truck. It’ll be fine,” Hyunjin said from beside him.

“The car totalled, Hyunjin. I don’t know how you can call that fine.”

“It’ll be expensive to fix, but it’s fixable.”

“It’s definitely fucking not,” Felix turned on him. “Even if it was, I don’t have the money to fix it!”

“Felix, calm down. It’s just a car.”

“My parents are gonna murder me.” The others had nothing to say to that. They were all quiet as Felix threw a funeral for himself.

“I salvaged your phone at least, Lix. It wasn’t even damaged,” Felix snatched the phone away from Hyunjin. “We’re sorry, okay.”

“Then pay for the damages.”

“Lixie, that’s a bit dramatic. I didn’t mean to.”

“I’m pretty sure the intentions don’t matter.”

“If I knew you were gonna be this bitchy, I never would’ve told Changbin to invite you. It’s a street race. These things happen,” Hyunjin’s voice had hardened now. It was a warning. Felix was too drunk and angry to care. “You make a bet, you race. If you crash, you crash. You still pay the bet, and you move on. You can get another car.”

“Are you serious?”

“Felix, we can worry about it tomorrow. I’ll take you home. You’re a bit too drunk to handle this right now,” Minho grabbed him by the arm, but Felix pulled out of his grip. “Your parents don’t get home until Monday. You have time.”

“I have two days to explain to my parents that I agreed to go to a street race, got drunk, and let my friend drive my car, who then crashed it.”

“Felix, it’s late. It’s raining, and you’re clearly shivering. This isn’t the time-” Changbin tried to reason.

“You guys can go. You clearly don’t care. Just go deal with your bet.”

“And you’re gonna do what? No one’s gonna come help you. You pushed Jisung away, remember? He’s not gonna come save you, so stop being a bitch and let Minho take you home,” Hyunjin was sitting in Changbin’s car now, clearly done with the entire situation. Felix didn’t respond to that. “Did you really forget? You look pathetic.” Felix opened his phone and went to his messages. “He won’t respond.” Felix didn’t text right away; he just stared at Jisung’s name. It was like the truth of everything just hit at once. Finally, he typed his message, but his thumb hovered over the send button.

“Felix?” Minho said. He didn’t want to hear his name; he felt like crawling into a hole and decaying.

“Let’s go guys,” Hyunjin closed the door, and there was something finite about that moment. Minho and Changbin didn’t look back as they got in their cars and drove off. Felix looked up at the sky, grateful that the rain masked the tears on his face.

**Felix 3:32 am**

**You were right.**   
**Failed to send**


End file.
